I need to pause…

Noel Sales Barcelona
5 min readFeb 23, 2023
Photo by Liza Summer: https://www.pexels.com/photo/sleepy-woman-having-rest-near-window-6382486/

I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions for the past few weeks. If you’re following this blog, you may know that I have suffered significant financial setbacks, with debts all over the place, and credit companies are hunting me because I cannot pay the amount due to them. While I have been able to find a job, I got sacked on the fourth day, as I don’t fit the role. And now, I am trying to survive the first week of my new work, trying to avoid getting “flagged.”

I am a good writer. I have often proven this when politicians, artists, non-profits, and entrepreneurs hire me to write for them and help them with their media needs. I even wrote several books about artists, and the reception for these books is overwhelming. And now that I have received a message from my work buddy, and she said I need to focus on accuracy as I only got 50% yesterday. The sad part is that I don’t know what is inaccurate in the piece of work that I submitted yesterday night. There is no explanation, just a reminder that somewhere, I have made a mistake and no tips for improving your work.

I am writing this blog post in the middle of work. I stopped working on letting this thing out of my chest since I felt lost and unsettled. My enthusiasm dwindles, and I need a little time alone to process everything. I need to breathe and relax to have the energy to continue doing what I am doing now.

Meanwhile, as I write this blog entry, I realize several things I want to share with you.

Realization 1: Remember that heartaches and disappointments are usual in this world.

We are living in a world that is full of imperfections. This fact reflects on ourselves, too. Because of this, we should expect that there’ll be times when we will suffer from heartaches and disappointments because, as the song of the late Karen Carpenter goes, “I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world/And fool enough to think that’s what I’ll find….

Not everything works according to our plan. I am trying to say that we need to live by the fact that while we’re doing our best, sometimes it isn’t enough. Nonetheless, you should not be hard on yourself and give yourself time to rest and re-assess the situation. Perhaps what’s happening is a clue or a sign that you need to slow down and change your strategy.

Realization 2: While trusting the divine plan and timing, you should also work with it.

Manifesting your desire requires some inner work. You should be doing things to make the manifestation magic work. God can give you signs or omens, but it is up to you to follow these omens. This time, the omens tell me to stop for a while and breathe.

Realization 3: Love = Patience; and loving can hurt you also

I know in my heart that good things are coming, and the negative things happening right now are signs that I need to be more patient. And as I wait for the sunshine as the monsoon in my life continues–I need to keep my inner light continuously burning.

However, this requires conscious effort. The fire will not keep burning if I am not fueling it. Love is the fuel that keeps that sacred furnace, in the middle of our hearts, burning. And to love means accepting that part of loving is getting hurt and that the blade of love cuts deep.

As one of my favorite authors, Khalil Gibran, wrote:

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to

him,

Though the sword hidden among his

pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in

him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

Loving isn’t easy since our concept of love is limited. Unless we transform our feelings into something more noble and pure, and that is Agape.

Agape is holy love. It comes not only from the heart but from the spirit. It is the way to redemption from all evil and shortcomings. As St. Paul of Tarsus said:

The Way of Love

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, [a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Realization 4: Complete surrender to the Divine Plan is not giving up but knowing that better things are coming.

I am already sacked from my third job as I write these lines, but it’s okay. I know that God has something for me. I may not see it now, but I know better days are coming, as I have mentioned earlier.

It is time for complete surrender to God’s plan. Time to give God the baton and the wheel. I am no longer pushing and pulling. I will be still and know that He is God.

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Noel Sales Barcelona

A former freelance journalist, art and cultural critic, and an intuitive from the Philippines. I am the new species of weirdness.