Impostor Syndrome

Noel Sales Barcelona
3 min readFeb 7, 2024

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There are times that I think of myself as an impostor — a person who pretends to be talented and knows what he is doing but the fact is, he is not.

Although I have learned a lot of things in the past — from books and personal experience — it appears that none of them matters, particularly on those days when the demons of self-doubt and self-sabotage creep into the deep caverns of my heart and soul. Every day, the same feeling lingers: I am just a noob pretending to be a genius. One day, people will soon discover that I am a fraud, I will be put to shame, and soon, calamity will come, taking everything, I have. A fearful sight to behold, a terrible thought to ponder on.

Inside of me, self-doubt is churning. And like the stars being sucked by a black hole, my self-confidence is diminishing almost daily, like eroding sand on the beach during high tide, or the side of the mountain being carved by dynamites. It brings me fear and terrible pain, and the pain is like a bunch of daggers piercing deeply into the flesh of my very soul. Invisibly, I am bleeding, and I am bleeding so bad that I am turning into a corpse, a cadaver that will soon decay and return where it belongs: to the acid-covered loam of the land of my birth.

Thinking about this, I realized that the wounded child inside me caused me all of this — that inner child that was injured badly by harsh words that cut deeply like a double-edged sword; sharp words that came from the mouths of people who are supposed to love him, take good care of him, and encourage him to excel in things that he is good at.

But only the wounded souls will hurt another soul that much. As Christian author Kathryn Cushman said, “Wounded people tend to create more wounded people…” Hence, these people wounded me because they, too, are deeply wounded, hurt, and lonely.

I hope and pray that in the coming days, the shadow of self-doubt hovering over me will soon be blown away by the strong winds of healing. That the wounds of the Inner Child living inside me will soon be healed and the scars that these wounds left will not serve as reminders of my painful past but medals of valor — proof that I have won the war against my dark past, which pushed me to wallow in self-doubt.

I know that the healing process won’t be easy as the memories of the past will come back and forth, especially during the days I feel alone, bringing the issue of being an impostor and useless from time to time. Nevertheless, I will embark on the journey of healing and restoration, having this demon of self-doubt and self-sabotage dispelled by the power of faith, hope, and love. And so, mote it be. [Written as a Facebook post as Maha Sri Babaji]

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Noel Sales Barcelona

A former freelance journalist, art and cultural critic, and an intuitive from the Philippines. I am the new species of weirdness.